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Following on from Thursday’s post, Friday was my final day at work. 0_0
I felt a slight pang in my chest as I woke up and looked at the world that day. As cheesy as this is, I couldn’t help but keep thinking ‘This is the last time I’ll walk down this path heading this way‘, ‘I will no longer see that woman I pass everyday on the same street‘, ‘going to miss seeing the lollipop man‘.
When I finally walked into the office I really did feel it: THE END!
But it was a nice, relaxing day. I spent it with all the colleagues that I had worked with for 2 years, most of whom I’ve become good friends with. We messed around and spoke hopefully, rather than fearfully, about the future. This feeling made me very nostalgic of when I finished university and felt lost. Very lost. But then getting the job as a mentor helped me bide my time till this moment; of knowing that you can’t run from it any more, that the fun is over and the real work needs to begin.
Work for me was challenging. I was pushed to my limits and beyond in more ways than I ever thought, but I enjoyed it and there was never a dull moment. In short: it was fun! So much fun that it stopped me from thinking about the future for a while. Gradually that moment came to pass and I have chosen to qualify as a teacher. But before I teach, I have to be a student again!!!!
On my way home it really hit me harder: I’m going to be a student again and I have to work my back-side off to pass. The realisation brought back memories (good and bad), but mainly of the feeling of being IN BETWEEN: of certainty and fear, of questioning your choice and of being content, of thinking the worst or the best, of fight or flight.
This feeling remained with me all day and I’m still not sure when it’ll leave me completely. But what I do know is that I’ve already been given a log list of ‘summer homework’ to do in preparation for the teaching qualification. This, I am hoping, will keep me too occupied to be anxious. To basically stick my head in the sand and only come up when it hits September and the academic year begins.
When I got home the feeling intensified and I had to sit still for a while and let the feeling consume me…and then slowly push it away. I am naturally someone who worries 85% more than they should do, so mum’s slow and not-so-bothered attitude to the iftaar menu helped calm me down. If mum can be relaxed (for a change!) about a meal she usually ponders about for the whole day, then why can’t I also relax about studying again, even though I have had 2 years to think about it?!
I gotta #Let It Go! Le It Go!#[Who can guess my Disney reference?!] :p
And so iftaar really was a simple affair. Nothing grand. Just leftover pasta and fruit:
And to end the day, I am eating the Korean Kimchi flavoured noodle pot (ramyun) because a colleague gave it as a birthday present (weird but sweet, plus there’s a whole back-story to it I can’t get into) and this meal is dedicated to him *To you Mo*